CURRENT MOOD: *Antoni saying earnestly, at the end of his recent QUAREYE igtv ep, “Huh…I really didn’t feel like cooking when I woke up today (long, gaze-shifting pause of true consideration, eyes back to camera) but I’m really glad I did.” *

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++There’s no reason to stop anymore                                 

I used to set my ideas aside in order to focus on my priorities which were synonymous with responsibilities in my mind, a behavioral byproduct of survival mode. I have made so many excuses to not do certain things I want to do because I think I’m supposed to be doing something else that’s more important.

Now I have no other things to do???????????

Ideas are the only priority. 

]]]]]]]]]I’m currently listening to someone have loud sex in the late morning on a Tuesday in America. I thought, Wow, it sounds like I’m anywhere else. Then I thought about America in comparison to countries who value culture and art and education and sexual expression so much more than we do. Then I thought, we are learning from this. Then: Of course the US is hit so hard by this virus, we have so much learning to do.[[[[[[[[[[[[[

::::– ALERT TO ALL PEOPLE –::::

YOU WILL NOTICE A HEIGHTENING OF ALL HUMAN EMOTIONS DURING THIS TIME

THIS IS TO BE EXPECTED, CONSIDERING

MAJOR BLOWUPS ARE ROADMAPS, THEY WILL HIGHLIGHT WHAT MUST CHANGE

YOUR EMOTIONAL SURVIVAL IS YOUR SURVIVAL NOW

EVERYTHING MUST BE TENDED TO

My biggest lesson so far is that this is an opportune time to study the impact that our careers, our surroundings and our choices have on our emotions, and the impact that our emotions have on our wellbeing.

I’ll use the basic emotions outlined in Pixar’s INSIDE OUT to discuss this because, since our education system is shit, it’s the most widespread and accessible information on human emotion we’ve got. So think about your: Joy, Fear, Anger and Disgust. The baseline, our minimum starting point for each of these emotions, has shifted. Now, we are generally more fearful, more angry, more disgusted, and it takes more positive input for us to register joy, at any given time. This means, a spike in any of our emotions will make a much more memorable impression on us now.

Let’s say this is your anger scale:

Neutral_________Bothered___________Frustrated__________Angry_____Enraged

Your typical Anger baseline might sit somewhere a bit above Neutral. Like maybe you’ve got a low burn of annoyance at a lot of things, a lot of the time, so your personal scale looks like this:

Neutral__x _____Bothered___________Frustrated__________Angry_____Enraged

And let’s say typically, spike up to Frustrated when triggered, making your triggered reaction look like this.

Neutral________Bothered__________x_Frustrated__________Angry_____Enraged

But now, because of everything, your baseline might sit between Bothered and Frustrated at all times, like this:

Neutral________Bothered____x______Frustrated__________Angry_____Enraged

And it may spike up to somewhere between Angry and Enraged when triggered, like this:

Neutral________Bothered___________Frustrated__________Angry___x__Enraged

Picture the same shifting of baselines for each of the four emotions, especially fear.

Since your emotions will be outsized, they’ll be more noticeable, so TAKE NOTE of where they’re coming from, because there’s something there for you to work on, there is a change to make.

Newly outsized emotions are what led me to discovering that having my own space that is clean and nice and lovely and quiet and reflects what I find beautiful is an essential component of my peace, happiness, freedom, creativity, confidence, mental health, physical health, and overall wellbeing. I know this now because I was having near daily meltdowns and had come to mostly doomed conclusions before I came to Elizabeth’s, where she’s letting me stay while she quarantines with her boyfriend’s family.

The way I felt before I came here and the way I feel since being here, is quite frankly life vs death. This feels like life, again. I can do this now. I sacrificed my own space out of necessity a couple years ago and now I will prioritize it, out of necessity, as well. I am grateful to know this about myself now.

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/////////////////////The softest sentiment from our last zoom call was when Jackie said, “We’re all breathing the same air, and it’s cleaner now.”